In which Buffy learns that with great power comes great fellatio
It seems someone was listening to my gripes (that haven’t been posted yet) about no other Cunnydail students every trying to use Dork Central Library and then went in a time machine back to 199tyfucking7 and told those writer bitches to have exactly that happen, because exactly that motherfucking happened. The student of note also happened to be a young studly fellow named Owen with whose dongus-rod Buffy clearly wanted to get intimate. Unfortunately, the age old cockblocker named responsibility showed up to remind Buffy that she is far to busy snuffing vampires to spend time greasing up weiners and stuffing them up her vaginal canals.
There was also yet more old book reading of prophecies by that pederast Giles that precipitated the episode’s plot, something about an anointed one or some such shit. I should probably pay more attention to that crap in case there are hidden long term implications or maybe some plot easter eggs concealed therein, but alas I was far too busy watching TWO Monday Night Football games to give even half a shit (though to be fair, I could give a third of a very large shit, nearly equal in proportion to half of a regular size shit).
Furthermore, it was clear from the get go that Owen had to be told to fuck off at some point, lest the delicate Angel-Buffy-Xander-Willow homo love rhombus be upset. I swear I have not looked up ahead of time but I am 100% confident Buffy and Angel will bump uglies whilst Willow and Xander will be merrily making the beast with two backs afore this series is quit. How and when and after whichever many plot twists and headfakes I cannot be certain, but those pairs will be fucking at some point, of this I am sure.
Here are 3 other things that keep this show from being totally awesome.
1) the soundtrack is terrible
2) Buffy never looks believable as a legitimate equal to the vampires she’s constantly beating up. She needs to be in cartoon form for the suspense of disbelief to work.
3) Everyone’s always going to this place called the Bronze, where shitty live bands (though this one was actually all right, Velvet Chain wikipedia tells me, whoever the fuck there are) play. But no such teenager hangout could exist because a) if it were ever any fun people would start drinking and then ruin it when someone’s pissy cunted mom found out about it and b) no bar could ever stay in business booking bands while serving a predominately teenage crowd. And why don’t any of these little bitches smoke? LA teenagers in the 90’s? Fuck that. They’d all be puffing away like god damn chimneys.
Wait, whats that? I’m being a huge faggot who’s missing the point of this show again? Fuck you’re right! Looks like I’m going to have to keep fucking watching then!
It seems someone was listening to my gripes (that haven’t been posted yet) about no other Cunnydail students every trying to use Dork Central Library and then went in a time machine back to 199tyfucking7 and told those writer bitches to have exactly that happen, because exactly that motherfucking happened. The student of note also happened to be a young studly fellow named Owen with whose dongus-rod Buffy clearly wanted to get intimate. Unfortunately, the age old cockblocker named responsibility showed up to remind Buffy that she is far to busy snuffing vampires to spend time greasing up weiners and stuffing them up her vaginal canals.
There was also yet more old book reading of prophecies by that pederast Giles that precipitated the episode’s plot, something about an anointed one or some such shit. I should probably pay more attention to that crap in case there are hidden long term implications or maybe some plot easter eggs concealed therein, but alas I was far too busy watching TWO Monday Night Football games to give even half a shit (though to be fair, I could give a third of a very large shit, nearly equal in proportion to half of a regular size shit).
Furthermore, it was clear from the get go that Owen had to be told to fuck off at some point, lest the delicate Angel-Buffy-Xander-Willow homo love rhombus be upset. I swear I have not looked up ahead of time but I am 100% confident Buffy and Angel will bump uglies whilst Willow and Xander will be merrily making the beast with two backs afore this series is quit. How and when and after whichever many plot twists and headfakes I cannot be certain, but those pairs will be fucking at some point, of this I am sure.
Here are 3 other things that keep this show from being totally awesome.
1) the soundtrack is terrible
2) Buffy never looks believable as a legitimate equal to the vampires she’s constantly beating up. She needs to be in cartoon form for the suspense of disbelief to work.
3) Everyone’s always going to this place called the Bronze, where shitty live bands (though this one was actually all right, Velvet Chain wikipedia tells me, whoever the fuck there are) play. But no such teenager hangout could exist because a) if it were ever any fun people would start drinking and then ruin it when someone’s pissy cunted mom found out about it and b) no bar could ever stay in business booking bands while serving a predominately teenage crowd. And why don’t any of these little bitches smoke? LA teenagers in the 90’s? Fuck that. They’d all be puffing away like god damn chimneys.
Wait, whats that? I’m being a huge faggot who’s missing the point of this show again? Fuck you’re right! Looks like I’m going to have to keep fucking watching then!
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