Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Buffy S2E21 Bee Cum Ink Parto Uno

In which Kendra the black vampire slayer is killed because this show is incredibly racist.

Fart one of the two fart season finale. Oh boy I can’t believe I’ve really made it this far. I mean I really thought I would have stopped watching by now, after that putrid first season anyway.

But here I am, lapping it up like a sucker and begging for more. OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE KEEP STABBING THE SHIT OUT OF RUBBER MASKED VAMPIRES IN SHORT SKIRTS AND TIGHT SWEATERS YOUNG NUBILE BONER INDUCING VAMPIRE SLAYER, YOU KNOW I LOVE THAT SHIT.

The season’s conclusion looks like it’s going to try and wrap up this whole evil angelo plot and make it OK for him to go back to slaying the vampire slayer (if you know what I mean by “slaying” that is, haha. Well the first time I say slaying in that sentence anyway. The second time just means regular old slaying, like murder in the age off swords and scorcery. The first time I mean slaying as in murdering box, like a penis going into a vagina, that kind. Whelp, glad we cleared that up!).

To help with this termendously important task, the second hot teenaged slayer (african american variety, er, afro-caribbean technically), returns to lend Buffy a helping labia. But she’s killed by Mary Poppins the Vampire. So she’s dead.

I forget exactly how they’re supposed to accomplish this Angelo-undickening but I think it involves the 3.5” floppy disk that I thought was going to be used to bring sexy comp sci teacher back from the dead. It was tough to follow these last two episodes because I watched them at my brother’s place at night and I kept the volume way down so as not to wake his two sleeping children. I think I liked it better with the sound nearly off, to be honest. I didn’t get frustrated with all the god damn quippy dialog. It’d be one thing if it was just Xander talking like a total sarcastic jagov all the time, but when every fucking character is doing it is when I start rooting for the vampires. It’s like, YES, KILL THOSE SMART ASSES. DRAIN THEIR BLOOD AND SHUT THEM UP FOREVER.

The episode ends with Buffy being framed for the murder of Kendra and cops trying to arrest her. This is another thing I find really annoying about this show. Every episode involves a couple few untimely deaths, mostly of teenagers. And even when Buffy kills a vampire, isn’t it implied that they were recently normal high school kids, on account of their dress and appearance? No one seems to give a shit that there’s been like, a hundred dead fuckers in one town in the last year. In a suburb! Fuckin ridiculous. I suppose I should cut them slack because there’s only so much time in an episode and only so many characters we as the audience can care about, but there’s really only so much suspending of my disbelief I can muster.

Alright, let’s get this fucking shit over with.

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