Friday, December 17, 2010

Buffy S2E4 Inca Dummy Slut

In which Buffy hosts an new exchange student then exchanges fluids with the student and now hosts a new VD.

Lets see if I can do better this time by guessing that the episode entitled “Inca Mummy Girl” involves at least one Inca Mummy Girl (what can I say, I am, as the actuaries say, a risk seeking individual).

Holy crap, Buffy’s tetons are ginormous looking today. Just thought I’d share that.

And there it is, Mummy Inca girl comes to life in the last shot of the cold opening. I nailed it! Fucking touchdown baby! Also, epic clutz move by random spastic Cunnydayle student trying to steal a plate from this dead Andean bitch and triggering her undead reawakening. Nice one, doofus.

Wow, teen dork ass detective squad finally learned to assume the wackiest explanation for the weird shit that’s going down probably IS true. That fucking mummy just might responsible for the disappeared spaz. Good job, assholes!

And Buffy’s exchange student is already dead as shit. You know, for being the Chosen One here to save everyone, a dick load of corpses still manage to pile up under Buffy’s watch.

Why does the stock character bad ass teenage band leader stud have a women’s leather jacket on?

Does my jappery make any sense if you’re not watching the show? Probably not. Oh well.

Oh yeah, stuff that fucking twinkie in your mouth, Inca slut. ...Yeah, definitely going to need proper context for that one.

Awkward teenage love rhombus rages on. Willow wants Xander’s D. Xander want’s Buffy’s V. Xander now also wants new Inca slut’s V. Buffy wants Angel’s D still (presumably), and Giles wants all the hot barely legal action he can get.

Then everyone goes to yet another dance. There’s dances every god damn week at Sommersbydale. We didn’t have nearly this many dances at my high school. Mostly just people driving around looking for parties and ending up in the 7-11 parking lot like a bunch of jagovs. And the band at this dance is god awful. Like pour-drano-down-your-earholes bad. Think Candlebox, but worse. Or a boring Sping Doctors. Our a wimpier, heathen Creed. Oh no wait, I have it, a dorkier, talentless Silverchair! Whatever, bottom line: this band suck all the dicks. And thimble sized Seth Green plays guitar and has a crush on Willow, who is in a genuinely hilarious Eskimo costume (so its a love irregular septagon now?). Oh right, everyone at the dance is in some kind of ethnic costume. Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Then Buffy saves the day and Inca slut goes back to hell and Xander feels like a total chode. Or something. I’m bored and have written plenty already. Too much mushy mush kissy-faces anyway.

Grade: C. C+ for the decent Sergio Leone shout out.

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