In which Buffy and Spike are snug as two bugs in a rug that are also fucking
I have a great idea for a plot episode for Buffy. It goes like this: Those three nerdy jerk offs who’ve styled themselves super villains create a love potion and force Buffy to have sex with them. Oh wait, did I say a great idea for an episode? I mean a horrifyingly awful idea. That idea is fucking terrible. I don’t style myself much of a feminist but really? A love potion? Isn’t that a little too rapey? Plus wasn’t all this shit covered equally creepily with the Buffy sex rowbit?
Two other things this show gets wrong, but not uniquely in the world of teenage and pre-teen marketed television: 1) generic fast food restaurants and 2) singles bars.
I’m not sure why they’re keeping the Double Meat franchise around for Buffy to work in but it’s the wackest fucking fast food joint this side of Good Burger. And I know a thing or two about fast food restaurants (por ejemplo: Taco Bell’s quad steak burrito is a delicious treat of 4 times the steak but it also does four times the wreckage to your fucking guts. I shat out a bag of pre-mixed cement afterwards. It was worth it though. Probably. Ok defintitley not. But I’ll still eat one later today, because at least it’ll let me get some reading done.
Ok, I was going to talk about how this show gets single bars horribly wrong but one of these wacky dork “villains”, who previously have been played up for comic relief, just almost forced his ex-girlfriend to blow him (after using the command, “get on your knees”) and then when his spell wore off he clubbed her to death. I’m not even kidding. Jesus Christ what the fuck is this show even doing anymore?
What the shit? Now Buffy has a public sex fetish and lets Spike fuck her from behind on the scaffolding of the Bronzer Discoteque while she watchers her friend dance underneath her? I think the show is losing it, for real.
IS THIS A BUSH SONG? Whatever the fuck it is it horrendous. CAN SHE PLEASE JUST SLAY SOME GOD DAMN VAMPIRES AGAIN?
Buffy then gets framed for the woman the dork villains almost raped and actually killed. So Buffy has a huge crisis of conscious because she thinks she actually did kill her and later takes out her frustrations by pummelling Spike into a bloody pulp.
But then Buffy cracked this brilliant ruse and that rapist dude acts more evil and some more shit. I dunno.
You know why this show is probably considered a cult classic? Misplaced nostalgia. Like the kind people have for Woodstock until the warrior poet Everlast bitch slapped them all down with this vicious slice of truth: “I don’t think anything real came out of that first experience—it was just three days of sex and drugs and ‘Oh, the world is such a great place!’ Then they went home, became yuppies, and fucked the whole country up.”
Haha, die yuppie scum.
I mean whatever, the show is still better than SIngled Out or whatever dumb shit I was watching on MTV, when not watching MST3K or Night at the Roxbury on VHS, but it’s its still pretty fucking dumb. Well, look at me, all high and mighty with my fucking judgement like the fucking Pope of God All-fucking-mighty. What a fucking judgemental fuckface.
I have a great idea for a plot episode for Buffy. It goes like this: Those three nerdy jerk offs who’ve styled themselves super villains create a love potion and force Buffy to have sex with them. Oh wait, did I say a great idea for an episode? I mean a horrifyingly awful idea. That idea is fucking terrible. I don’t style myself much of a feminist but really? A love potion? Isn’t that a little too rapey? Plus wasn’t all this shit covered equally creepily with the Buffy sex rowbit?
Two other things this show gets wrong, but not uniquely in the world of teenage and pre-teen marketed television: 1) generic fast food restaurants and 2) singles bars.
I’m not sure why they’re keeping the Double Meat franchise around for Buffy to work in but it’s the wackest fucking fast food joint this side of Good Burger. And I know a thing or two about fast food restaurants (por ejemplo: Taco Bell’s quad steak burrito is a delicious treat of 4 times the steak but it also does four times the wreckage to your fucking guts. I shat out a bag of pre-mixed cement afterwards. It was worth it though. Probably. Ok defintitley not. But I’ll still eat one later today, because at least it’ll let me get some reading done.
Ok, I was going to talk about how this show gets single bars horribly wrong but one of these wacky dork “villains”, who previously have been played up for comic relief, just almost forced his ex-girlfriend to blow him (after using the command, “get on your knees”) and then when his spell wore off he clubbed her to death. I’m not even kidding. Jesus Christ what the fuck is this show even doing anymore?
What the shit? Now Buffy has a public sex fetish and lets Spike fuck her from behind on the scaffolding of the Bronzer Discoteque while she watchers her friend dance underneath her? I think the show is losing it, for real.
IS THIS A BUSH SONG? Whatever the fuck it is it horrendous. CAN SHE PLEASE JUST SLAY SOME GOD DAMN VAMPIRES AGAIN?
Buffy then gets framed for the woman the dork villains almost raped and actually killed. So Buffy has a huge crisis of conscious because she thinks she actually did kill her and later takes out her frustrations by pummelling Spike into a bloody pulp.
But then Buffy cracked this brilliant ruse and that rapist dude acts more evil and some more shit. I dunno.
You know why this show is probably considered a cult classic? Misplaced nostalgia. Like the kind people have for Woodstock until the warrior poet Everlast bitch slapped them all down with this vicious slice of truth: “I don’t think anything real came out of that first experience—it was just three days of sex and drugs and ‘Oh, the world is such a great place!’ Then they went home, became yuppies, and fucked the whole country up.”
Haha, die yuppie scum.
I mean whatever, the show is still better than SIngled Out or whatever dumb shit I was watching on MTV, when not watching MST3K or Night at the Roxbury on VHS, but it’s its still pretty fucking dumb. Well, look at me, all high and mighty with my fucking judgement like the fucking Pope of God All-fucking-mighty. What a fucking judgemental fuckface.
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