Buffy S6E15 Aw He Poo'd

In which Rileydawg returns after tracking a demon for 48 hours straight and is so ready to get his dick wet.

Remember when Willow was cute and interesting and not a boring ass sad sack of lesbian shit? Yeah me neither. They abandoned her technie nerd provlivities and went way overboard with her wiccan magic dog crap and now her character is ruined. Oh wah, wah, your girlfriend broke up with you because you OD’d on spell casting! Boo fucking hoo.

Why did Riley pretend the evil aardvark with fangs monster was a wild bear and he was from the Natioanl Forresty Department? Are people in Stubbydael that dumb? Come on.

That was a decent line between Buffy and Riley in the car. I’d type it but I’m supremely lazy so you’ll just have to go ahead and imagine something funny. Like a big fat dude. Falling, no, rolling, down a hill, with the cake he was about to eat all smushed on his fat face and flying around and then he lands in a big pile of horse piss. Yuck, he says. This horse piss smells disgusting, he continues, not at all like the delicious cake I was about to eat before I tripped and fell in front of all of you and causing you to double over in laughing fits. Thanks for helping me up, by the way, you motherfucking heartless pricks.

Telenovela time! Riley is back to send Buffy’s feminine hormones into overdrive, too bad he’s fuckin MARE-EED! BLA-DOW! In your face, BEATCH! Nah-ah! Find your own god damn man. Mistah Supahindentend? Yes, I’d like you to know you have a hoar living in 2-R. Buffice Rossi 2-R, you are nothing but a HOAR.

Willow says she can’t "do the magics because she got addicted. The way addicts do.” Was that supposed to be ironic? Sarcastic? Or just blindingly lame? I’m asking because I honestly can’t tell.

More telenovelaness: Riley walks in on Spike plowing Buffy. And then discovers Spike’s secret stash of Alien eggs? I think I missed a big plot point. Actually they act a lot like the Flood from Halo. Wonder which came first. Don’t actually care though.

Riley is obviously a big fan of Journey and their theory of a big wheel in the sky that is inexorably turning while at the same time serving as a metaphor for the existential lament.

Then Buffy finally (supposedly) dumps Spike at the end of the episode because she doesn’t want to base their relationship or sex. Or something. Maybe I missed the subtext but I don’t make it my business to pay attention to the neuroses of fictional daffy broads, do I?